is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
