Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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