Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
