Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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