Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
