you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
