My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize