Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
