you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
