You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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