He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
