Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
