cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
