we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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