Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize