the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
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