I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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