we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
should my penis look like a turkey
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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