He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
