I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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