My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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