trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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