my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize