I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize