I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
