P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
