i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
