living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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