I have demons in me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize