Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize