found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
