I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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