listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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