i permit you to call me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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