oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
