State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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