I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
