can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
