i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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