yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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