dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
