watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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