whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
