i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
