using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Your dad touched me again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
