Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
