Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
