well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
