Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
