I'm jealous of your bromance
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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