Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
True strength comes from lack of pants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
