with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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