These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
