Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
