Duck Duck Cougar?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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