So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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