Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
