apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
