i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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