the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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