my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
