rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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