Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize